The Legendary Ken Zou

Elly, staff

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For years the Senior class has been living amongst a legend. On Earth he is known as Ken Zou, but from planets from far, far away, from whence Mr. Zou hails, he is known as Junwei. He is a world renowned YouTube sensation, throwing jabs at everything from Tide Pod challenges to wisdom teeth removals. He has taken ten AP classes while at Springville High School and has yet to fail a single AP test. He is one of the kindest people you will ever meet and is more than deserving of some recognition.

Although Ken is stunningly handsome, he is primarily known for his brain. He maintains A averages in all of his courses of study and going above and beyond even his own expectations. He puts in hours of study every night, preparing himself for questions he knows his classmates may not be adept to answer. And while he has every right to withhold information and go by his merry way, he has a tendency to be a classroom’s “second teacher,” aiding his fellow students with everything from test corrections to homework sheets (in a legal and helpful way of course,) allowing his classmates to achieve a deeper understanding than they may have without his help. In some cases, Ken’s classmates could not be saved, but Ken Zou never gave up on them, typing up endless study guides and Quizzlets. When asked about her experience teaching Ken, Mrs. Riker recalled a time when he corrected a problem on to board, saying, “He let me try to work the problem, but when I couldn’t get the correct answer, he took my marker and corrected it for me. That was cool.” Which sums up the Ken Zou experience: that he is not of our world, but strives to make it a better place every day.

Even though Ken has a naturally gifted brain, he has succeeded because of his unnatural work ethic. Sometimes he spends entire weekends devoted to projects or homework assignments that his classmates may spend mere minutes doing. Not only that, but Junwei has taken on a presidential campaign (long live the Brain Trust) and begun miniature revolutions throughout his time at Springville, leading his motley crew through his sheer Zou-ness alone. And when Ken is not inspiring revolutions or doing homework, he is designing class shirts for his AP Physics and Environmental Science Classes, handling the pressure of his classmates like only Ken Zou can. When asked about his uncanny work ethic, Coach Slaughter firmly stated, “His work ethic is second to none,” which of course it is.

Despite Junwei’s insane work ethic and smarts, he is made a legend by his sheer, natural, unteachable, raw, juicy, voluptuous, cunning, dashing, breathtaking, stupendous, snazzy, awe-inspiring, sublime, imposing,┬ásupercalifragilisticexpialidocious awesomeness. He has shown Springville High School what it truly means to be “smart;” constantly inspiring memes and creating them; opening up his family’s place of business, China Stix (Lunch – $7.25; Dinner – $9.25) to his friends for hours of study sessions and fun; spilling over science articles and preparing himself to take over the world. Although he may not do it literally, because he remarks that he is “too lazy,” Ken Zou is most definitely taking it over metaphorically, positively affecting everyone around him as well as himself.

So, in conclusion, Ken Zou.