The True Story Behind Springville’s Finest, Warren “Coach” House

Gaines, Staff

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The following tale you are about to read is for comedic purpose and is to be taken that way. Albeit, the following tale is also a collection of local legends surrounding the real legend himself.  For the purpose of Halloween spirit, I will share with you the most infamous tale among my grade and many of the world’s most renowned scholars.

During his unknown amount of years of association with Springville High School, Coach House has become known as many things to many people; for instance, a coach (obviously), a teacher, a co-worker, a student, and an icon. Every year he takes some of his classes, usually Environmental Science or Physics, to his family farm right here in Springville. A rule that he’s always made sure was understood was that going into his big red barn was 100% off limits. So a few questions have surrounded in what lies behind the sacred big red doors that has been withheld from our knowledge.

There is a small running joke around the school that whenever Coach House makes a mistake he is turned into dust as another Coach House walks into the room declaring “THIS ONE WAS WEAK” and takes the new wonderful mantle as our Coach House. Is this “running joke” actually factual? Or is it, as Coach House would say, “A FALLACY”. Well, a few friends and I have come to the conclusion that an interdimensional portal to the Coach House Home World is what has been kept secret for so long by the Red Barn in question.

Now, I leave it up to you, the reader, to think for yourself whether this is true or if it is nothing but a falsehood.

About the Writer
Gaines, Student

I've been in Springville schools all my life, and I'm currently a senior. I've never had a favorite teacher until I met Coach House, but, this past year,...

1 Comment

One Response to “The True Story Behind Springville’s Finest, Warren “Coach” House”

  1. Anna Williams on January 18th, 2019 9:31 am

    As a former student of Coach House’s original AP Environmental Science (APES) class, I can only hope to add to this article to provide clarity. During my time in APES, Coach House made sure that we all knew the most important rule while attending The Farm, and it is as follows: “Never go solo on the farm.” Now, after reading this, I can only assume that the reason the great legend that is our very own Coach House commanded us to use the buddy system was so that in the rare case, if one of these so-called “weaker, rogue” Coach Houses escaped, there was a greater number of witnesses to relay the information back to the stronger, more abled Coach House.

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The True Story Behind Springville’s Finest, Warren “Coach” House